Sex in space
Married couple plans to be sent to Mars
Published: Sunday, March 3, 2013
Updated: Sunday, March 3, 2013 22:03
What do the great outdoors, public places, airplanes, elevators, beaches, and cars all have in common? They are all places where some people apparently want to have sex.
Well, multi-millionaire Dennis Tito thinks these so-called “exotic” lover’s locales are a bit too bland. He has set out to save you from mediocrity and possible citations for public indecency with his privately funded mission to space using married couples as the crew … for science!
The true purpose of this mission is a record-setting, 501-day mission to Mars and back. Though neither man nor woman will actually set foot on our planetary neighbor, they will travel around it and back to Earth. The criteria for the two-person crew require not only that the couple be married, but that they are beyond child-bearing years.
The reason for this is simple: 501 days in a tiny space capsule is a long time, and people get lonely and bored. When people get lonely and bored and have nothing but each other’s company, well ... you know.
Seeing as how there will be plenty of boredom to go around during their 501-day journey, it makes sense that they couple should be unable to conceive. So far as we know, there aren’t many obstetricians in our solar system.
It should be noted that the real reason for selected a married couple is that they wanted to send a man and a woman to space together so as to be representative of human kind.
Once this was decided, it made sense to send a married couple seeing as how they already have a (presumably) stable relationship and can act as companions to one another during their lengthy journey. Having a crew with a pre-existing bond before the mission even begins is as crucial as producing a functional spacecraft.
If they can’t work together to fend off space-loneliness, how will they be able to contend with potential disasters should they strike? For the sake of space exploration, I hope the mission is a success. For the sake of human colonization of space … I hope their stories aren’t too detailed.
Even for science, there may be such a thing as too much information. Suffice it to say that this journey will ensure that at least two people have “boldly gone were no one has gone before.”