Spiritual journey continues
If you like to read my article regularly (and I am very thankful and appreciative if you do) then you would've read my article on Lent and my struggle with spirituality that I wrote about a month ago.
If not, well, never fear (I don't see why you would fear, though. I wouldn't know the difference unless you told me), for at least one person did.
She contacted me via email and was interested in my journey of spiritual growth. She invited me to breakfast and then to her church discussion group afterwards.
We went to IHOP before church for - what else? - pancakes. I was frightened of a potential shortage of chocolate chips in my chocolate chip pancakes, but other than that, breakfast was wonderful.
We had breakfast with a couple that also went to the same church we were about to attend, and though we weren't talking about religion or church, I still learned a lot about other things like interviews and buying and selling houses.
It was a lovely way to start the morning.
After breakfast, it was church time.
I have to admit, this was the first time that I have ever gone to church by myself and I am 21 years old.
To be candid with you, I shut myself off from the Christian faith when I was about 12 years old and religion in general when I was 14.
I guess you could say that I was technically atheist for a while, thought I never really called myself that.
But what I felt and believed fit the description: I thought religion was foolish. I was very scientific about my beliefs.
Once you died, you were food for worms, and religion was completely made up by humans.
As I grew older, though, I realized that these beliefs weren't as perfect as I originally thought they were.
It was just like any belief system. It wasn't perfect, for it was created and explored by humans, which threw me for a loop, for that was one of my problems with religion.
It wasn't always "right" or "perfect."
The biggest thing that was pushing me back to religion, though, was when I found myself in a very tough spot.
No matter how atheist I was, whenever I was down to my last straw, crying, hurting and unsure of what to do, I would pray.
And for that fleeting moment, when I am at my weakest, I would show my true colors to myself.
Oddly enough, at church we talked about perfection and how only God is perfect.
People, even if they are very religious, can never be perfect.
And if it is people trying to interpret religion, any religion, how can we expect it to be perfect if we can't fully grasp what is going on with ourselves and our spiritual feelings?
The wonderful lady who brought me to church also brought me back to my dorm.
Unfortunately for her, I cried, because I always cry, and because this is still a subject I am sensitive about.
As you can guess with my jumbled thoughts through this article, I don't know all the answers. I can't even figure out myself.
But I am trying, and I am thankful for the opportunity to continue growing through this journey.
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